How do I not let panic disorder ruin the good things in my life?

Hi everyone! I'm 23 and I had my first panic attack at age 9. I'd say I was in full remission from 2018-2022 and life was *good*. Landed myself in my dream grad school and program, started dating a boy that I really love, traveled all around the US both on my own and with friends (this was *huge* for me as it wasn't something I was able to do previously). I was so happy.

And then I had a massive panic attack in the middle of a bar in Nashville with my boyfriend and his friends. I started dry heaving in the middle of the bar and I was mortified. I ran out and my boyfriend had to try to calm me down on the sidewalk of an incredibly busy street in 100F degree weather. We ended up ubering back to the Airbnb and my life hasn't been the same since. My lovely boyfriend ended up getting deployed for 9 months a week later, which made my anxiety skyrocket. I started to have panic attacks that involved dry heaving. I'm emetephobic, so this is a nightmare for me. I'd start to hyperventilate, get a tight throat, and then start gagging. It happened while I was driving, while I was home in the shower, in the ER, at doctors appointments, etc. When these panic attacks happen, I immediately need to leave if I'm in public and need to get home ASAP. I haven't gagged in 5 months, but the fear remains and I still come very close. I went from an incredibly active person who couldn't bear to stay in the house to a person who never wanted to (and struggled to) leave.

I'm in my last semester of grad school working an internship in healthcare. It is so bad that my supervisor accommodated my internship to allow me to see patients from home. I haven't been traveling at all and haven't been seeing my friends much. I stopped going to the gym because exercise makes me feel like I'm going to gag.

Anyway, my boyfriend comes home in 2 months. I need to travel 1,000 miles to greet him off the plane, but I can barely even drive an hour away from my house. After that, I graduate and move 1,000 miles away from home to live with my boyfriend. I realistically do not know how I will accomplish any of this in my current state. My boyfriend bought me an engagement ring (we've been together for years) and is very understanding about my anxiety, but truthfully I wouldn't want to be with me right now. I used to be fun and adventurous. Now anxiety rules my life. He hasn't seen this side of me yet, only what I tell him over text and phone calls.

I'm in therapy, I've tried SSRIS (hate them), buspar, vitamins, PRN xanax, hydroxyzine, you name it.

I'd really appreciate any advice, support, anything. If anxiety didn't exist this would be the most exciting time of my life. Graduation, traveling, my boyfriend coming home, moving in together, getting engaged. Instead I'm terrified I'm going to ruin it all.

TIA :(