Today my 9 year old daughter came home from her dad's house upset. She said her dad was teasing her and chasing her around the living room with a toothpick, trying to poke her with it and saying "do you want to die?!" When she stopped him and said, "hey, you said do you want to die! I don't like that! Don't say that! Stop it!" He replied, "what? I didn't say that. You must be hearing voices in your head." And so she went to tell her grandmother who lives with him who didn't see what happened. Her grandmother tells her, "your dad didn't say that, you better not go report that to your mom because that's not what he said. She won't let you come back here if you tell her that." So of course, my daughter came home and told me everything and was very upset. Number one that her dad tried to make her seem crazy but she knows what she heard him say. Which maybe initially he was just teasing and it wasn't a huge deal, but what he said about hearing voices in your head was totally inappropriate IMO and took that to another level that really hurt her feelings. And she said she didn't feel comfortable about the whole scenario. It just all felt off to her. Number two, her grandmother tried to make her feel like she didn't believe what she said and also couldn't talk to me about it. So when she came home upset, she asked me if I could talk to them. And so I did. Her dad, of course, blew me off basically and asked if I was joking. Which you can see below…

And when I texted grandma, the gaslighting was even more intense.…

Before you say, this conversation should've been had over the phone, you need to understand that these people are not easy to talk to. They will literally talk and scream over you and not let you say a word. As well as gaslight and talk in circles until you're too exhausted to continue. That's why I texted them. Her father was emotionally abusive towards me when we were together and did a lot of gaslighting and that's why his behavior is concerning. He has used those exact words with me many times when I confront him about something hurtful that he said. I teach my daughter to create strong boundaries with them because apparently in the eyes of the law, I don't have the right to keep her away from him just because he emotionally abused me.

Did my daughter and I make a big deal out of nothing? I think she has the right to have her feelings respected. And I definitely don't think she deserved to be told she's hearing voices in her head. That's just fucked up. And then for her grandma to tell her not to tell me about it… It kind of confirms that she knows what he said wasn't cool. In one breath she says she better not report it because that's not what he said… And in another breath, she says she isn't sure what happened. She didn't actually hear what was going on and just doesn't believe my daughter.

I know I'm probably being too nice here. But I was trying to be as nice as possible because I know that they are practically impossible to talk to if I'm not being super nice. But it did bother me that she kept saying how upset I was lol and when she mentioned that my daughter was worried about being late, it's because she has to be home by 7:30 so she can get in the shower before bed. And I've made it very clear to all of them that if she's late too often, she won't be allowed to go there during the week. She's not supposed to be there during the week anyway, but she's been asking to go over sometimes and so the rule is as long as she's home by 7:30. It's fine. And the only reason I had to make that rule is because her dad loses track of time very easily or just doesn't give a shit that I need her home at a certain time. So this bitch tried to use that against me in a very subtle way.

So if your daughter came home and told you this, would you have created boundaries with them the way that I did? What would you have done differently? Would you not have confronted them about it at all? The only reason I didn't call them to find out what happened is because they are major gaslighters, and I believe what my daughter says over anything they say. I'm not sure what else I can do.