I feel like I’m sinking…

I struggle with anxiety, to socialize with my in laws. It’s getting so difficult on my marriage. Tonight I had to miss out on a birthday dinner once again, he had to leave by himself with our daughter… he said he feels like he’s starting to hate me. He feels like he’s disappointing a lot of ppl in his family & well I understand, it’s his siblings & parents & like everyone else, he wants to enjoy his love ones while they’re here on earth… I just get so afraid of taking medication. I was prescribed buspirone and I get anxiety about taking it… I’m scared if it doesn’t work & I still end up losing my marriage. I feel like a burden, it makes me feel like I shouldn’t even be here if I just ruin everything & everyone’s life if I can hardly function. I’m already in therapy, I have been in therapy for almost 4 yrs, my anxiety is clearly still there…