Does it sound better to take him out ?

My son is 2 and for the first year of his life, my ex/his dad traumatized him. He was abusive and would always scream at the top of his lungs, punch things, throw things, hit me, etc. around him. His dad has not had contact with him in 7 months but still, Since then, my son is super skittish - scared of new people, loud noises, sudden movement, etc. He started daycare today and while I knew it would be hard for him, I didn’t expect it to be so hard on me too. Hearing him cry and leaving him there gave me a panic attack and made me feel like my heart was physically broken. On top of it, he was screaming and begging to be picked up. This is something he also did when my ex would scare him. I know a lot of people will suggest therapy and medicine but I’ve tried before and I don’t feel like it does much for me. Like my brain is too wired how it is to change. I don’t *have* to put my son into daycare but it is an easier option.