How do you shake that maternal feeling?

I never wanted kids until I met my fiancé. And when I say never, I mean it.

Then I saw the way he was with his nephews and I knew he wanted kids and I just got maternal. He wanted two originally but since our daughter, he only wants the one. I think part of that might be because of how crazy I got once she was born.

I ended up having a baby on purpose but I suffered from severe depression afterwards. I still struggle a lot and sometimes I just don’t want to be a mum. Don’t get me wrong, I always love her, but parenting is 24/7 and draining especially because I work full time too.

But lately I’ve been seeing babies around in public and people I know have had babies/grandkids and I can’t help but feel maternal. Like I want to do it all again and give my daughter a brother or sister. I want to hold a baby in my arms again.

I keep having to remind myself of how horrible it was when my daughter was an infant and how I didn’t like her until she was 6 months old because I had such a hard time bonding with her. I was extremely depressed, cried everyday, I had rage and I caused fights daily.

How do I shake this feeling like I want another child? How has anybody else done it?