What a month!

So basically we've been sick in this household since December 22nd and we have not celebrated a damn thing and I've been very depressed about not seeing my family for the third year in a row. I have family members coming home just this one time a year. And my brother is stationed in the states (I'm European) and he got home as well.

I didn't see any of them. We had corona and the flu.

Now the smallest member of our household is going through it. I hope we are past the worst as her fever is finally gone 🤞🏻 it's been three very, very, very long days. I've canceled seeing friends and family non-stop for a month soon. Going out and being with people gives me energy. I have not been this depressed and struggling since the corona lockdown. And even then I saw my MIL because we saw no one else and we all needed that.

The little one is sleeping. Finally not crying and finally not only sleeping in my arms. My arms, my back and my neck hurts a shit ton. I lsot several kgs from my own round of sickness and eating hasn't been a top priority with the little one constantly having high fever and crying.

I am beyond drained at this point.

But I've seen the tiniest bit of sunlight, the weekend is coming up an hopefully is the little one stays fever free we might actually see another freaking human on Sunday.

After this round of sickness, I'm so worried about next winter. At least I'm on leave this winter, but next winter we'll have two children who can get sick 😩 After a pregnancy where I had to be on sick leave and a maternity leave that's longer than anticipated because of daycsre options I'm already filled with so much guilt it hurts.

And let's not talk about how overwhelmed I am. I suspect I have adhd but unless I pay out of own pocket I have to wait years to get assessed and honestly it's just a lot. I'll get through it, I know. I've been in worse spots! But right now everything is just..... Feeling like a bad Monday.

Looking forward to spring and summer and some fun! But not that much fun, because we have no money 😑

Thanks for letting me vent!