Happy Black History monthhhhhh!!!! I know today is the first day and I wish I could write about a cool person or an invention that was created by a black person but white people stole it and took the credit. Or even an ode to Tyre Nichols and what feels like a never-ending list of Black people killed by police, or even the joy that we all woke up this morning and because of that we should be hopeful and I want to. I want to feel hopeful about the world and the relationship with African Americans in society, I want to not feel anxious about my future child navigating this world, I want to have the privilege to push all these feelings aside and continue living my life because it's not me right? I want to write about black humanity and individuality because blackness is controversial until white people decide it's not. I rewrote this post over and over trying to find the right words and I can't. The truth is I'm tired y'all Im tired of debating our existence, I'm tired of the "what can America do to help solve police brutality?" questions and post as we continue to ignore People of Color or belittling them by mentioning their husband's cousin step-son being a cop. I'm tired of adding names to a never-ending list of Black people killed by cops. I hate that I don't have the energy to shove black brilliance and beauty down y'all throat it's just hard today.