When I was very young, an older sibling molested me for over a decade. My mom's advice was to simply "forgive and forget" like a "good little Christian" each time he was caught and forced to apologize. My boomer mom is of that archaic mindset that men can't help themselves around women, which is why she coerced me into silence, for the sake of *his* future.

Years later I cut all contact with my family, after I finally accepted my family was far from being healthy; they were a dysfunctional mess of twisted toxic people. During the time of that epiphany, I met and married the man of my dreams. He is an absolute gentlemen and the biggest sweetheart I could've ever been blessed to meet.

Unfortunately, because of the environment I was raised in, there is a problem. It doesn't happen all the time, but whenever we get intimate, I sometimes get flashbacks and go numb down below; physically/mentally. And sometimes when I initiate intimacy and start feeling pleasurable, there's this voice inside my head calling me all kinds of derogatory names for enjoying being pleasured, which causes me stop and instead feel self-conscious.

When that happens, I end up giving up to let my husband finish; according to my moms archaic teachings, women aren't supposed to enjoy it, only sluts do. However my husband doesn't like finishing without me and when he can tell I'm internally struggling, he stops. And while I love him for that, I always feel terrible for letting him down despite his reassurances. I've tried to shut these flashbacks down on my own, and also talked about it with my husband too. But it still happens.

I was wondering if anyone has a solution to this dilemma. How can I stop flashbacks and these archaic ideas from cropping up when I should be enjoying the moment?