Looking for things to do to keep your mind occupied during your two-week wait? Here are some ideas. Godspeed.

Binge-watch ALL the shows. Have you seen The Wire? Game of Thrones? Walking Dead? Breaking Bad? What about all nine seasons of the original X-Files? Orange is the New Black? (Is two weeks up yet?) Have you watched every episode of Seinfeld yet? What about Cheers? Frasier? Designing Women? Back episodes of In Living Color? Matlock?
Stay off social media so that you’re not bombarded with carefully curated photos of people and their perfect babies. Maybe go on Tindr so you can flip through a few photos and go, “Ok, trying to conceive is frustrating but at least I’m not dealing with this horrific dating nonsense anymore.”
Did you watch the Great British Baking Show yet? It was great. Watch it.
Maybe learn to make bread?
Chant the words “I’M FINE I’M FINE I’M FINE!” while throwing pregnancy test-shaped darts at a photo of uterus.
Do the thing where you’re like “Pshaw, I don’t even care if I get pregnant or not” which you make yourself believe for maybe 11 seconds before getting frustrated again.
How much time has passed? Two days? Cool.
Time to belt out a primal scream.
Angrily throw jellybeans at a horse.
You know what might be good is online clips from Inside Amy Schumer you could watch on YouTube or something.
Maybe scream again.
Hold one super complicated yoga pose for three full days.
Learn Tagalog and Wikipedia a bunch of information about the Philippines and maybe you could plan a trip there if it turns out you’re not pregnant.
Do you think we could try the test now and a pregnancy would show up even if it technically hasn’t been two weeks???
Go online and half heartedly post a photo of a dish of pasta.
Cross literally all your fingers.
Throw yourself into your work and your relationships and your home and any aspects of your life over which you have even a little bit of control. Enjoy these things.
Take the pregnancy test.
Either rejoice in the fact that you are pregnant or buckle down for the next month, find some more back episodes of shows you’ve been meaning to watch (6 Feet Under? Dr. Who? All of the Law & Orders??) and remember that if you are someday lucky enough to have a kid, that you’ll be able to teach them about the power of determination, patience and persistence.

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Four days late and a negative test....