It's been about 2 years now that I had an abortion due to the stress and problems that I was going through in my life! Mostly because my ex at the time made me feel so horrible about being pregnant and pressured me into it! After I had the abortion I had lots of dreams of my baby the following months! I wasn't able to look @ my ex for some time cause of what had happened and we weren't sexually active for some time after that as well! I am now currently with my bf of a year that I am deeply in love with and we didn't become sexually active but up till this day I still remember about what happened I still feel guilty, hurt, the loss and a lot of the times I want to have a baby! I know that me and my bf have talked about wanting to have kids but he wants to wait longer! He's 20 and I'm 21 but sometimes my desire to want a baby is so strong that sometimes I just feel like if we have sex and I'm not on any kind of bc and don't tell him about it and just get pregnant it won't hurt us @ all! Am I so horrible for feeling like this........??????