I just want to scream!

Months of perfectly timed sex, months of taking my temperature, months of googling any new vitamin or supplement and adding it to my daily routine. Months of coffee-less mornings, months of eating anything leafy or green or like it belongs in a rabbit's bowl, months of making healthy choices, avoiding alcohol and sugars. Months of peeing on things. All the time to the point where it feels strange to not be peeing into a cup. opk, hpt, did I miss the surge? Omg I did. No wait, here it is. Is it to early to test? Bfn, maybe it's still early? Maybe there's still a chance? If I just stare a little more at my bbt chart or say one more prayer. Months of counting time as CDs or DPOs. Months of a broken heart that seem to hurt just a little but more each time. Today I feel like I want to give up, like it will never happen, never be my turn. Tomorrow I will pick myself up, brush myself off, and come up with a plan for the next month. But today I just want to cry.