My story..

​Hi! My name is Dana :) I'm 21, I found my soul mate while in high school and it was really true love at first sight. His name is Billie, and he really is my rock. So fast forward, I graduate high school and we move out on our own and  get married, I was 18 and he was 21... We knew we wanted to start a family right away, I figured I would have some complications trying to get pregnant, I have PCOS and durin my senior year I got HPV, and had cancer cells on my cervix, after surgery and many Pap smears, and treatments, a year after being diagnosed he said I was clear to start trying. Nothing, month after month nothing, not even a period.. I felt less than dirt. So we want back in and I started the metformin, provera for a period, and then clomid... Nothing... Why am I even alive?? I'm useless! I reached out to other people seeking support and got told that I was a waste of air because I couldn't reproduce. I go back to the doctor and after he use to tell me he didn't see a reason why I couldn't get pregnant, he now tells me that there is no way I will ever be able to get pregnant naturally. It's been over 2 years since we started trying, and not a single frikkin day goes by that I don't wish for the opportunity to become a mother, I resent every pregnant woman I see, I roll my eyes at my friends and family that just say give it time, oh yea? You have never tried to get pregnant, you got pregnant accidentally and with some random man who's not in the babies life and letting the government  raise you're kid because you were so selfish and only cared about getting it in, not thinking of the consequence. Yes, I am angry! I'm angry at myself, my life, my body, and even god. I don't know what's real anymore, heart ache is all I feel when I see those negative tests results. 2 months ago my body started its period on its own without the help of provera, and the first month I used OPKs and got a positive opk, even though I didn't get a BFP, AF showed up the second month, and I thought well maybe my body is fixin itself on its own, maybe I have a shot. I thought wrong. BFN is all I'm ever going to get. But I know I'm not alone, and I know there are women who have been trying longer than me, and I pray for every infertile woman and man out there who want to have a baby, I know your struggle, and I am here. You are not alone, no one will ever understand your pain because each story is unique, but no one will better understand your story than a woman in your shoes.