Rape fantasy?

As a child I was sexually abused several times, including being tied up and raped. Now I still have reprecussions of it, it has greatly effected my life, yet I have a BDSM fetish which includes bondage and rape fantasy. I don't usually share about the rape fantasy, as I feel like it sounds totally wrong since I have been raped. I know this sounds confusing, but is it normal/okay?