How to get rid of an abusive husband?

I called the police. He came back and threatened me. He locked me in my room and beat me. If i get a restraining order it will look bad in court when i go to get custody of my kids back from my mom. I love him but not enough to be with him anymore. At times i wanna kill myself but i have to worry about my 3 yr old son. Theres so much going on in my life. We were ttc til he became abusive. I honestly dont know what to do. Suicide seems the only way right now after i send my son to live with my grandmother. I feel theres no other way out. Plz n e one help.