Serious advice, sorry it's long

From the age of 6-10 I was raped by my real father.. For years I was scared of men even boys my age. I finally told my older step sister when I was 12 what happened. I had nightmares for years and every now and then I'll have a horrible nightmare about what happened. I've blocked out a lot of my childhood because of that .After we went to court and he went to prison he got out a year ago( I'm 18 now) I've seen him a couple times now and half of me wants him to disappear and the other half if me wants to get to know him and figure out why he did what he did.But what do you think I should do?any advice?