My story of how I got depression, anxiety, and OCD
Well, where do I begin? I've told my story on Depression Connect and Experience Project so if you know my story before bear with me. Just thought I'd break the ice around here since I just created this group today.
It all began in Fall 2011 when I went to Northern Michigan University after transferring from Macomb Community College. I was looking forward to being in a dorm, making new friends, and getting my degree finished in two years. Little did I know that the stress of being at college, away from my family, and striving to be perfect all at the same time would take it's toll. It also didn't help that my first roommate that I got made my life miserable for the 3 weeks I stayed there (2 weeks for a mandatory "getting along" period, and one week to get all the necessary signatures to switch roommates). Think of one of the popular girls from Mean Girls and you'll have an idea of what my roommate was like. Serves me right I guess for asking for a private room.
After going through that period of stress, you would have thought that things would have gotten better. I actually became friends with my second roommate, Kathleen, and have still kept in touch. However, I just kept feeling more frazzled, haywired, and isolated. Symptoms of depression started to creep up like feeling guilty all the time and very much alone. Not knowing anything about depression though and being one of those people that just thought depression was just emotional I just assumed I was guilty beause I wasn't religious enough. So I joined my college Catholic Campus ministry, got involved in their activities, and started making myself go to daily mass. While it helped my faith grow, it was making the problem worse.
Towards the end of the Fall semester and the start of the Winter semester I started getting psychotic symptoms that are usually associated with schizophrenia. I would hear voices that would say, "Praise Satan" and "F***ing Jesus Chirst". This of course frightened me as before this I had been pretty healthy throughout my life. I reluctant to tell anyone, even my family, because they would all think that it was all in my head, making it up, or that I was just a crazy person. The campus ministry secretary at the time, Gael, luckily was a former nurse and was noticing my changes in mood ranging from depression to anxitey beause I went campus ministry so often. I still refused to believe that I had depression however until I turned myself in to the hosiptal for constant suicidal thoughts mostly (and some intrusive homicidal thoughts too). I stayed in the psych ward for three days where I got some group therapy, and meet some wonderful people. An older alcoholic gentleman gave everyone his email so we could stay in contact. I put the paper with his email on it though in my jean pocket. My mom being kind enough to do my laundry, didn't check my pockets and the email was lost in the wash.
After those three days in the psych ward, the hosiptal psychiatrist diagnosed me with severe major depression with psychosis. There was talk that it could have been schizophrenia, but in order to get that diagnosis I would need months of observation in order to see if that's in fact what it was. So the depression with psychosis stuck and I was sent on my way back home on a medication regime and therapy.
I'd be happy to tell you more about my journey, but this is an extremely long post and don't want to bore you or lose your attention. Plus I want to hear from all of you, so I think I'll let this settle for a while. Until tomorrow!
Mary
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