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​Matthew 22:37-39

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as YOURSELF."

You can't love others as well when you don't love yourself or think God can't help you. You have to treat yourself with kindness and believe that the talents God gave you are sufficient to further His kingdom on earth. 

"Remain in me, as I also remain in YOU. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must REMAIN in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you REMAIN in ME." John 15:4

He's implying that we are a dwelling place for God to live in. It varies in intensity from person to person on his or her faith journey, but He's in all those who want Him to be there. We are helpless without God and it's by his true presence and His WORD alone that will help us become the people God means for us to be. That includes you Ember to those of you this is addressed to! God is not limited as we are in time and space. He's everywhere and ever present. He wants you, I believe to get away from your crazy family, get the help you need for your experiences and mental illness, get the skills you need to be able to tell the good people from the bad, and fulfill His will in your life. If that means helping people and becoming a psych major that's good, but do it because YOU believe it's what He's telling you to do and not what you think you are only capable of. Nothing is impossible for God! 

Information about the gifts God gives us: 

Read Matthew 25:14-30

It talks about at the end about the man who hides his talent and doesn't make use of it. Talents were forms of money back then but it also talks about the gifts that God gives us. I think you want to be like the first servant or the second that uses their talents to make more and further the kingdom. I think you feel like the third servant however. I get the feeling that you are to scared to realize your potential and are settling for less than you can be because that's all you know. The master, God, gets upset when the third servant takes the cautious route to save his money and He dismisses the servant not because He hated him, but because he chose not to further the kingdom and become a citizen of heaven. 

God doesn't make trash, if He did, then why would he send His son to die for everyone? It's not because He just felt sorry for everyone, it's because He loves everyone with a intensity stronger than infinity. I think the closest term we could come up with is adoration more than just love. 

He loves you! And he wants you to love yourself as He loves you. With His grace you can do anything! Fulfill your potential Ember and to anyone else reading this. I know you can do it with God's help! 

You talked to me earlier that your mother could end the cycle of abuse if she wanted to. Just as she has to end that, you have to learn to end the cycle of bad men and women. You can fulfill your potential and I promise you the moment the two week deadline is over there will be other people at your church praying for you and being your guide.