Just tired of being let down

Amber • TTC #2 after ectopic rupture and left side ovary and tube loss

Sorry ladies.. need to vent.. long story short. Had ectopic rupture in 2012. Lost left tube and ovary. Been ttc with only right side. Aug 2013 had emergency surgery for hemoragic cyst in the right ovary but we're able to spare it. Have had multiple problems with right side. Developed a fibroid. Dr then put me on a round of clomid because she feels that I need to try this year or I am going to be out because of scaring. No luck for these last two year. No luck on clomid. Heck I'm not sure if my tube is open.. and yes I could have the test but insurance won't pay for it. I am trying to leave it in God's hands.. my husband is just telling me to "get over it".. and I am just at my wits end.. I do have a wonderful 6 yr old but desperately long for another. And to make matters worse.. in feb, my normal 28 day period was 52 days late.. then resumed back to normal.. now.. I am currently 9 days late with negative hpt. When to dr for her to do ultrasound.. she said still had big cysts (couldn't take clomid this month because of them) and prescribed me Provera to start my period.. but she nor the clinic did a pregnancy test on me.. so here I am emotional from all these hormones not being released... scared to take the Provera just cause I want to hold on to the fact that "maybe it's just not showing up on a test".. which I k now is stupid.. but I just about give up all together. I want to be done with it all because it's just a let down with each and every bad news I get.

I'm sorry ladies.. I just needed to get this off my chest because I am suppressing it all. I can't talk to anyone about this because I just get the "eyes rolling get over it reaction".. but it truly hurt. Thanks for letting me vent. Now to wipe these tears and go back to sleep.. maybe..