All I want to do lately is cry. I have been staying at my mothers a lot lately because I can't stand to be alone which never really bothered me (I live alone and usually enjoy it). I had a mental breakdown at work and was sent home because I was literally hysterical(I'm a server). I had a firmed killed this week as well as a family member commit suicide. A friend of mine attended suicide last month and almost succeeded. I feel like everything is catching up to me and I'm not sure I can handle it. I never want to go to work or leave the house. I've struggled with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder for as long as I can remember. I am currently not on meds but I'm strongly considering going back. I feel very alone. Then for the first time in months I got my period this month. It only lasted a few days. I've had a lot of stomach pain also and I'm wondering if I may have an ulcer? I know they can be caused by stress and I also have a bad drinking problem. When u use the bathroom there is blood and a decent amount of it.  On a side note after my episode last night I got so unbelievably drunk and made a fool out of myself then walked home. Why can I not deal with things and my emotions like a normal person. I really hate myself. I just needed to vent and get that out. I apologize.