No experience. Help?

Question

Being sexually abused has left it's mark on me. Its been a long journey to recovering, and I'm slowly getting there. 
I've finally gotten to the point where I'm comfortable having sex with my husband, and lately I've been wanting it ALL THE TIME. And while the sex is amazing, let's face it...the same 3 positions over and over again get kinda...repetitive. borderline boring. 
And that's the dilemma. 
He wants me to come up with things that I want to try. I don't have any experience and frankly, I'm not comfortable doing that. He says think of things that I think will feel good...How the hell am I supposed to know?? He says use my imagination. Um....I don't have one. As lame as that sounds, I can't look at porn or at a position and imagine how that would feel...I can't. I've tried. And I'm getting frustrated because he WONT help me. He keeps saying how only I know what I might like and I DONT KNOW. he has so much more experience than me, but he refuses to offer any suggestions or anything...I've literally begged him to help me and he won't. He just says I have to figure out what I like. 
So now we aren't having sex at all, because I don't know what I want and I know he's just as bored as I am with the same old routines.
What do I do? Why is this such a big deal?? I'm so aggravated and feeling like a complete failure because I just can't do what he expects me to, and every time we talk about it, we just keep going around in the same circle until I finally get so upset that I just give up. Help? Please?

Answer

First of all I'm sorry you experienced this and I'm glad your getting better . The same happened to me but have gotten a lot of professional help and I've come a long way . Have you tried reading books ? Books tend to activate your imagination .

Answer

Try a karma sutra book. I haven't tried but a couple of positions that I didn't like and that was because it was twisting my body in ways that it hasn't been in a long time. Lol. But seriously if you want it all the time that means plenty of opportunities to try something new!! I'll bet if you start trying things he will get into trying things and suggest something or suggest a way to tweak something. It seems like he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable in any way so he's letting you set the pace, but make sure you let him know that you trust him too. Hope that helps!!

Answer

Well then, if it's your imagination that lacks...work on your imagination! Lol. What if...instead of reading stuff...you tried writing about it yourself? Or like, once a day you tried to imagine weird shit that you like? Lol. =P

And maybe it's not just a sexual thing. Maybe it's just imagining things in general. Work on that. Try daydreaming or meditating or something. =D

Answer

You're right to feel as though he should be talking this through with you...if it's important to you both it should be approached as a team exercise. It's possible though that because of your past he doesn't want to suggest something that could be triggering. My suggestion would be to try sex in different places...being in the shower or on the couch as opposed to the bed can open up some fun new positions! Couch for example means you can both be sitting upright, with you on top (either facing him, or facing away from him...both are fun and feel more intimate than you on top in bed). He can also bend you over things (like armrests or even the back of the couch) instead of just bending you over. Shower sex offers some interesting standing positions that can be a bit more challenging...but even just kissing and touching in a hot, steamy place can lead to some hot, steamy sex : ). Hope this helps!

Answer

Maybe instead of thinking about different kinds if positions, think about different kinds of places? Like, go back to your favorite romantic movies or your childhood fantasies. For some reason, I've always wanted to have sex in a closet. Can't explain why. I don't know. Don't freak out about it. Just...think about weird fettishes you might have. =P

Answer

Try role play or try new positions, even if you dont know you'll like it, just try it. If you dont like a certain position try a new one. There's a lot to choose from and your bound to like at least a few of them.

Answer

Sounds more like a communication problem than a sexual problem to me.

Answer

Get in tuned with yourself, it is true that he can't necessarily tell you what feels good because it's different for each person and and different for guys and women. So pleasure yourself and find out what you like. Read erotic books, that will flow the imagination. You can't expect him to know what you like if you don't know, so find out what your body likes. Trust me it helps.

Answer

I have been sexually abused by three different men over the period of my life so I know how you feel the first time my fiancé and I tried I freaked out and made him stop but he talked me through it and it ended up happening anyway and it was amazing... Tell him that is makes you uncomfortable maybe show him some of these comments I used to be extremely uncomfortable too but I told my guy to start experimenting and I would tell him if I liked it or not  men can really help you learn your body if you don't know it especially due to a history like ours he needs to help you out. He can't expect you to just be like hey I know I was abused and all but I think this would be awesome you spend so long hiding from sex and being scared of it he needs to help you out and once he starts helping this will flow easier and you will start to figure out what you like sorry it is so long but I hope I helped

Answer

Sorry to hear about your past. ?
Although, There is honestly so many positions that feels so great.
It's quite hard to help when we aren't really sure which you have tried. 
You have your common positions- missionary, doggy and cow girl (where the female is on top) & anal which is also common (also feels great). Then you have many many others, like reverse cow girl, legs on the shoulders, tiny squats on him, the loaded gun. There's is so many it would blow your mind and generally they all feel amazing, the best way to find new ways would be to google it, you can even get apps that show you photos & written information. Although, it isn't all about the different positions, yes it's fun.. But if you aren't quite ready then you can always just spice it up a little but changing the location in where you have sexual intercourse. ? hope I've helped.

No experience. Help?

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