Transgendered Teen Needs Advice


I am a 15-year old FtM (female-to-male) person. Whenever my period rolls around, I have extreme (read: soul crushing) dysphoria problems. I used to self-harm out of anger. I'm not able to wear a binder (unwilling mother who SWEARS I'll get cancer), and so I typically (unsuccessfully) wear an Ace bandage that I stole from my family's medicine cabinet.

I need advice on what to do about this dysphoria. My breasts are already a 36B - my mom was willing to get me thin sports bras that I wear over the Ace in case she asks to check my body for cuts. (Some call it an invasion of privacy. I don't mind. She doesn't touch; just quickly glances for reassurance that I'm okay.) My rib cage is sore on the inside, and so I alternate as best I can during the week. I bleed extremely heavy. Almost each hour I have to change into a new overnighter maxi pad. I'm seeing an OBGYN next month. He's going to most likely put me on birth control - but that makes my breasts larger. I'm afraid of anything but the pill.

(Side note: my boyfriend's dad doesn't know that he's bisexual, so I have to "pretend" that I'm a girl around his family and friends. This only makes the situation worse for me - I internally rebel. My mother also loves to point out when I'm acting "feminine" because she thinks it helps.)

What on earth can I do? It's like falling down the rabbit hole to Wonderland.