Am I a bad person?

Question

I have been with my partner for 2 and a half years now. My partner has 2 kids from his previous relationship, and I really struggle to 'like' them. Don't get me wrong, I'm never horrible to them they are kids!! If anything they absolutely love me and won't leave me alone at times, so I have to lock myself away sometimes or just go out to get away. I have tried to accept them thinking I will grow to live with the fact he has 2 kids, but it doesn't seem to get any better. I love my partner so much, but if I can't accept his kids surely I have to walk? He is such a good dad, and thinks the world of his 2 girls. I don't know if it's because we lost our first child, and now struggle to have another. I used to feel jealous, now I don't. They are spoilt brats who speak to people like dirt, expect to have EVERYTHING all the time. And I'm not aloud to say anything because they are NOT my kids so I don't have a say in how they are disciplined.....SO basically, does anyone else have mutual feelings like this about their partners kids?? Shared stories are appreciated :)

Answer

I don't think this relationship is right for you. If you're ever second guessing and not healing, you can't force it. Plus they'll always be his kids. Unless he wants it to be more serious, I wouldn't take it seriously. And honestly. Don't have kids with someone you're not sure you want to be around his entire situation. I know it's not what you want to hear. But I've seen this situation before and it never ends well.

Answer

Wait? Who says you can't say something about them about being brats and wanting everything ? My bf treats my kids as if they were his own!

He felt weird at first but I feel like if ur going to be in a parenting role then you are allowed to disaplin them and speak up considering you are one of their parents.

Answer

I will make it simple for you not matter all the feeling you having think about it . You are pain cuZ your lost so how would you feel if someone wouldn't able to deal with your baby ? I think you should do talk to him and put some ground rule cuZ they aren't your own children don't mean need to do whatever they want in your house. Look for professional help to help you with your grief and he such good man you will be a fool to let him go something so simple at least you have the opportunity to get closed to them no one say u need to love them . Remember be gentle a time you are going to talk  to him absolutely no one like to hear you think my child is spoiled so used your words correctly write down on paper and look for someone opinion. If you want to walk away go ahead having mind you need to look for a partner without children.

Answer

Yes I def do but I also think we are way more critical of other people's kids and you should try to be aware of that. Maybe try spending alone time with the girls to get to know them and form your own special bond with them instead of looking at them as in the way of your relationship. Trust me I've been there. I was with someone who had a kid for 6 years and started dating when he was 1 and I was young and def not ready to deal with a kid. I was constantly critical of his son and did not treat him like he deserved, something I still regret to this day. He was a really good kid and I only saw his flaws because he was "in the way" and I too felt jealous that I wasn't able to have a kid of my own with my ex and share in that. I never wanted to date anyone with kids again but got pregnant quickly to someone else with a kid unplanned.

Answer

I then compared him to my ex's son which I shouldn't have done but it was then the regret set in because I realized how great my ex's son really was and I didn't give him the chance and love he deserved. I voweled to never do that again and although my sons brother is not nearly as well behaved and sweet as my ex's, I have still managed to form a bond and love him regardless. Just open your heart and your mind. Seek therapy even if you feel it's from a miscarriage because all children deserve to be loved no matter what

Answer

Thanks for all your comments ladies. And I have taken them on board. I have to look after the girls on my own on Sundays and they are so good for me. We had so much fun, we baked cupcakes, made statue play dough people. And played dollies for an hour and I enjoyed it!! But when we took them out to get my partners bday presents the tantrums began. All because we didn't let them buy the dollies they wanted. He knows they are spoiled and act like brats in public which is so humiliating. I love him too much to let this get in the way of our relationship, and I do love his kids in a way because they are a part of him. I'm very young compared to him, but believe I carry an old head on my shoulders. I need to learn to discipline them more in MY home, because that's where the problems start. I think I'm getting there, slowly but surely. And the girls do think the world of me (for some strange reason) I don't have a lot of family. So I'm not used to the whole 'family stuff'

Answer

ooh. tough one. but my daughter comes home from her daddy's acting like a brat. she was singing a song daddy's gf taught her and it was NOT appropriate. "I wanna see your peacock cock cock your peacock"

?

I told her straight up. "if you want to be a step parent in my daughters life start acting like a parent, not an irresponsible sister"

all is well ?

Am I a bad person?

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