I Never Understood ?

Question

I always asked myself why when women are in a terrible situation that involve rape, molestation, or being battered they find it hard to inform someone? I always asked myself of course I never been in the situation but I witnessed the situation before with someone I knew & they never find the need to tell anyone. She was a very close friend of mine, I feel like it affected her within her future she's might be a victim but they way she portray herself you would never guess. I ask myself why are certain victims like that, I understand people grow from certain situation's but I never knew why some ( NOT SAYING ALL ) , seem to be more sexual active than usual.

Answer

There are multiple reasons that victims don't speak out.

Shame. They feel stupid. They think they should have known, they should have done something to avoid it, etc. It happened to them and they think it's somehow their fault for allowing it. Or they could be ashamed because they feel broken. If people know what they went through, it victimizes them, makes them less desirable, weird, not normal. They think people will see them differently.

Fear. There is a lot of fear involved in situations of rape or violence. If they know their attacker, they may think no one will believe them, or that their attacker will hurt them even more if they speak out. If they live with the attacker, there is fear that if they leave, the attacker will find them and hurt them even more. Maybe even force them to come back, and they know that if they do, it will become worse.

Hurt. It hurts, talking about what you went through. Talking about it forces you to relive the event or events over again. An event you just want to forget. So if you hold it in, you hope it will just disappear. Go away.

Love. If the offender is someone you love...husband, father, mother, brother, sister, etc...well. you love them. Speaking out would destroy their lives. Likely send them to jail. So you sacrifice yourself to protect them. They can't leave, because they believe that their love can fix it and change them.

Most times a mix of all of the above. I personally understand exactly how hard it is to actually do it. In my case? I would speak out and call for help. Social services would come, take me away, put me with a foster family for a few months, and then send me right back to my mother. Where it was hell to pay for telling. There was no protection. There was no shelter. It doesn't take an idiot to learn not to tell anymore. So until victims feel safe enough to speak out, until they actually have protection and safety, they WONT speak out. They WONT leave.

Hope this helps you understand a bit better

Answer

I've never been raped but I've been in a violent relationship. The first year of the relationship was perfect/blissful, then it started with a slap, you forgive that because you think they're stressed, and it's not like them, then you don't tell anyone because it was a one off.... Then it gets slowly progressively worse and you think they'll go back to being perfect ... It's a long , slow, sly, process .... And you are embarrassed after that you got into that situation... And after... You don't want anyone coming to save you.. You want to walk away with your head held high YOURSELF..... Hope it makes a bit of sense ...

Answer

Some women don't talk about it because it makes us feel week and a lot of times we often blame ourselves.  I was a victim and it's all about how they handle the trama, as for the sexual part I don't even understand I've been molested and raped my whole life I only have rough sex cuz it's almost like it's all I know. Try talking to the person about it it may help

Answer

A really good friend of mine was sexually abused by her brother and her cousin. She was also raped many times by a family friend. I was one of the very few who knew. We met in highschool but these things were going on for a long time prior. She tried to tell her mom an was called a liar. She told other family members an was told to shut up cause she would ruin their lives. Until the family friend went after her younger sister is when they finally put an end to him coming over an staying with them. At one point she thought she was pregnant from being raped an told her bf whom she never had sex with. He straight up told her he couldn't be with her if she was. Even if she aborted it he wanted nothing to do with her. None of it was her fault but everyone made her feel like it was.

Answer

Some women don't reach out cause they are scared/ don't know what to say or who to talk to. Many people are judge mental and victim-blaming

Answer

Simple not wanting to talk about it / relive it. Dont be harsh, yeah some are fine talking about it but theres obv those that dont want to be reminded of it. Thats it. Not a difficult answer or thing to really think about.

Answer

After my rape during college I went to the ER to be treated for possible STDs and injuries. The police were called to do a report. I was victim blamed by both the doctor and the police officer. I was in the hospital for 3 days and by the time I left I really felt like it was my fault. I went on a bit of a downward spiral, I didn't tell anyone what had happened. I was ashamed and after the experiance with doctors and authorities I felt like anyone I told would blame me. I didn't want anyone's pity or anyone to make me feel worse than I already did. And yes I went through a phase in my recovery where I felt that I was sexually damaged and worthless so I slept with a lot of ppl I didn't care about or even know that we'll. I simply didn't care anymore. Eventually I decided to talk to a therapist, and then I told my best friend but most ppl in my life don't know and probably never will. It's not an identifier of who I am and I never want to be reduced to "the girl that was raped".

I Never Understood ?

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