Really need some advice ?

Question

Hi all I really need some advice. I have been with my husband for 4 years, married nearly 2 years. We have been through a lot together and in the last year I've had an ectopic pregnancy and a miscarriage (I had to deliver the baby at 10 weeks) well recently we have been arguing loads and all he does is sit on his games console and play video games. He will only watch tv with me if it's something he likes and I can only watch a few programmes then he is on the playstation again. He stays up all night and will go sleep during the day so we hardly spend time with each other and when we do we will always argue about something. When he's all loveable it's amazing and I couldn't ask for anything better. When he loses on the game he starts shouting and throwing his controller or smacks it on the bed then loses his temper when he breaks it. He has also broke 2 televisions from losing his temper then he will start blaming me and threaten to break my stuff and starts calling me horrible things that I wouldn't dare repeat. I don't know what to do because I love him so much he's my everything but I just feel like I can't do this anymore I have health issues that means not getting stressed out because my medication won't work if I'm stressed but I'm also stressed or frustrated because I feel like I have to walk on eggshells! He also judges every meal I cook so I refuse to cook for him anymore. He tells me he loves me every day but I just don't believe him anymore. He had ADHD but I still struggle to deal with it. Any advice would be great. Thank you in advance

Answer

Wow im sure this is very difficult for you. Not to discount your experience, also try to understand that he may be grieving too..now im not saying there is an excuse for him to disresepect you..what icam saying is that grief has several stages and he may be in the angry stage one day and then in the sad stage the next and etcc just like you. You guys may just show it in different ways! Some people tend to show their sadness in ways that seem hurtful to whomever is around them.  Try to empathize and also seek counseling like melany said. A grief counselor that deals with couples can help you both save ur relationship and make light of the profound loss you both are experiencing! My condolences to you.

Answer

I think that your husband is trying to deal with all this pain. Some people don't always deal with things in the healthiest way. Men are taught not to cry. My SO acts out a lot instead of talking. You need to get him to open up to you, dodge the blows he gives you because deep down you know he loves you. And if that doesn't work, go to counseling together or even by yourselves. Maybe you should try to have another baby? I know its scary but a lot of women lose a few before they have one. Its horrible, I know, I lost my first but just keep trying. Or adopt?

Answer

I agree that part of it is him coping.  However, he is going about it the wrong way. There is absolutely no excuse for him to be abusive to you.  It seems that he is really trying to escape it all, but he's not doing it in a healthy fashion.  I think you should consider couples counseling, or maybe even individual therapy for him.  If you tried again to have a baby in this environment the stress could work against you too.

Answer

Im sorry youre going through this, im sorry for the loss of your baby, i know from experience its the worst thing you could go through. Your husband should be supportive and your rock, not disrespecting you or losing his temper for petty things. Talk to him about how you feel, suggest counseling for the both of you, you need to open up and release all your feelings. If hes not willing to work things out, why sacrifice your health for a guy who doesnt show you that he loves you?

Really need some advice ?

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