Feeling somewhat hopeless

I've been on Glow for about a month. I'm always ready everyone's post, but have never written anything. I'm 36 and my husband and I just got married in September. He has 2 daughters already to a previous marriage, but we started right away trying to have one of our own. I know we haven't been trying long, but I am so scared it's going to take me forever because of my age. And for some reason I always had a feeling it would take me forever to get pregnant. I love reading everyone's post because it gives me hope. Then when I feel like I have so much hope I get my BFN and then devastation is even worse. I don't know if that makes sense. I don't talk about it with anyone because I don't always want to have to talk about "no, I'm not pregnant".  My period is due in 5 days and I SO baldly want to take a pregnancy test, but have had no symptoms whatsoever, so I'm pretty sure I'm not. Now that I wrote a book, I will sign off. :-). Thanks for listening.