Sigh....

I'm only 4dpo ttc #1 cycle 6, but all I could think about today as I was cooking, by myself in all the quiet, was how much I wished there was a little bit bouncing in my living room.

Couldn't help it, took a test tonight. Obviously negative. It's way to early and I knew that when I did it, but it's so hard!

I feel like there is so much of this I have no control over. I just want my baby, and I don't want to wait 10 more days to find out if it's on the way!

If we don't conceive this cycle there is a huge part of me that just wants to let it go for awhile but I don't know what I would do with myself! Not trying doesn't make me want it any less.

I see all these people who say they took a break and were pregnant the next month and I do believe there is something to the relaxing bit, but I don't know how to do that.

I don't know how to stop fighting for something I want so much.

Feeling discouraged....