Finally caught him

The man/best friend/"the one" who has been my weakness for 8 years finally confused the shit out of me. We've messed around on and off over the years, have a mutual attraction to each other but went on with our separate lives until he professed his want to see me everyday all day and not only talk on the phone and have monthly visits. Trouble is I've been in a rocky, uncomfortable, not as loving as it once was relationship for the past 4 years. I've almost left multiple times but honestly I'm being selfish by staying but the bf begs for me to stay when I've told him I want to go. We moved 2 hours from every one we know last year to try and focus on just us. I don't know what the f I'm doing.