Pls ladies help me and don't judge me

Where do I start? I'm coming from violent and abbussing background. And this really affected my past relationships. I'm 23 a mother of 3 year old and divorced?. I had a miscarriage a month ago and that made me bitter. Bf and i are no longer toghether bcoz I couldn't control myself and I told him "u don't knw Hw IT feels like" then the fight started he was rude and cold and I slapped him, more physical fight were involved..BUT IT WAS TOTALLY MY FAULT. Since then went counselling and anger management. I knw u probably thinking I'm mental and I don't deserve him back but ILL DO ANYTHING TO HAVE HIM BACK IN MY LIFE .