Currently going through a miscarriage
Hi. I thought i'd share what i'm going through. This was my first pregnancy and now my first miscarriage.
At my appointment of almost 8weeks, baby had a heartbeat but measured 6w+2d, which i found hard to believe since i have very regular cycles, i thought i couldn't be off by a week and a half. A week later the ultrasound revealed the baby had not grown at all and had no heartbeat. Dr suggested a d&c but gave me the option to wait. I wasn't emotionally ready to have the procedure so i chose to wait.
I started bleeding on monday. I should have been 10 weeks along. I was in a waiting room in a hospital (not my doctor's hospital) while my husband was in surgery and i felt this strong menstrual pain, went to the bathroom and felt something heavy was trying to come out of me. Y actually felt and saw my little sac come out, it was like a little balloon filled with water. It was heartbreaking but at the same time i felt a bit relieved as i thought the worst part was over. Not nice seeing my hopes and dreams go down the toilet, literally, but i was happy that at least my body could do it on its own and thought maybe i dodged having the d&c. I really was not looking forward to that. Luckily the pain has been more manageable than i expected. Like a very, very, heavy period.
That night i kept passing big clots and felt a lot of pain. On tuesday i saw my dr and the u/s confirmed there was no sac, she said i will continue bleeding for a few more days but i will not need the d&c.
Today is day 4 of this process. I can say i'm definitely feeling better. The physical part is not as hard as the emotional/psychological part. My heart breaks thinking about my little baby, how i gave myself to him, i ate for him, i slept for him. Everything i did, i thought of him, and now he's gone, i will never meet him.
I look forward to the day when i think about this past 2 months and remember only the good things, not the sad ones. I didnt mind the mood swings, my animal appetite, the fatigue... All was secondary to the happiest feeling in the world. How i felt like i was carrying the loveliest little secret inside my belly... ?
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