Jealousy...

Ok so all of my friends and some family have babies and have more babies fresh out of high school horrible relationships but still continue to have these babies and I have been trying with my husband  for 5 years now 5 I feel bad when people are talking about there kids and I act like who cares my husbands cousin just had a baby and I wanted nothing to do with it I didn't wanna visit I stayed home I feel bad for being like that but sometimes I can't help it some of these people shouldn't have kids and they still have them this kid I went to school with had a baby had no job living with his parents the girl moved in with those  parents and now still living with his parents they are having another baby I'm just like are you kidding me he cheats on her she is not a good mom leaves her kid with people all the time I just don't understand how people like that can have kids and nothing here on my end not nothing I'm sorry for rambling but my god it's like I get stabbed in the heart every time we get a negative even when periods are late and doctors do tests I wanna give up sometimes but I just can't