Well before I had been doing a great job of eating healthy and meeting my calorie needs, but today I ate 2 green tea Mochi ice creams, one butter cookie (that I made for my boyfriends get together..taste testing) and a lot of carbs such as toast, oatmeal, Thai rice noods with pork etc...I usually don't crave those things but today I ate 2013 calories as opposed to my normal 1200-1500 day. I also usually fit in some sort of exercise but my water polo practice was canceled due to rain and I just stayed home all day.

I feel so gross right now and I can't help but beat myself up for letting myself get off track today when I was so proud of myself for doing so well and loosing 3lbs in a week. Now I feel like I am going to easily wake up with those 3 lbs right back tomorrow morning. Even worse I did the damage of eating those sweet things later at night since my family is staying up for New Years or else I would have just gone for a run. I'm going to be so heart broken if I gain all the weight I I worked so hard to loose these past week and a half just with one stupid eating mistake. 

I guess I am just looking for words of advice and people who know how I feel at the moment. I know I obsess over my weight sometimes. Fitness amid a big part of my life and I hate being the athlete who's super good at what she does, but doesn't look like I would be. Since I can remember (middle school maybe before that) I have always struged with accepting my weight.  I'm 5'4 and my heaviest is 140, I am 136 as of before today's bad eating. But I am trying to loose weight because I was 127 during track and now that I know I can be that weight and comfortable I feel like if I'm anything heavier than that that I'm gross and fat. This turned out to be a lot longer than I intended! Hugely  appreciate anyone who takes the time to read and reply❤️ happy new year!!