What CAN I say to a friend that experienced a miscarriage?

Question

A friend of mine confided in me that she lost a baby early on and had to have a D&C last year. We always talk about her ttc, breastfeeding, etc. really openly and she just blurted it out. It broke my heart! I know that there are many things that aren't good to say ("You'll have another," "It's God's plan", etc.) so I hugged her and told her I was sorry. We talked about how blessed she is with her first born and she smiled again.

What is the right thing to say in this situation? I also want to get her a little something- maybe a butterfly piece of jewelry. Thoughts?

Answer

That is all you can say and do. Nothing else helps when you've suffered such a loss. You sound like a very sweet friend and she's lucky to have you.

Answer

I think just saying you are sorry was sweet enough. The jewelry would be so nice.  I have had 3 loses this year and just a simple I'm sorry from some people would have been nice.

Answer

Just tell her you love her. Trust me, that goes a long way <3

Answer

Sounds like you said the right thing.

Answer

You did it perfectly. "I'm sorry, and I love you," are the only things to be said. I also appreciated my friends that let me tell them the story with my miscarriage. One of my friends sent us flowers, and a couple weeks after, she sent a card to say she was thinking of me. My best friend texted frequently to check in. Just knowing my friends were thinking of me was helpful in my healing process. The least helpful were the "It'll happen when it's supposed to happen" and "You'll be able to have kids someday." Those comments missed the point that we were grieving the loss of our baby.

Answer

For me, the best thing I read, now 4 years later, is that I AM still a mom.

My baby passing away didn't make me NOT a mom. The difference is that I held my baby, every second of its life. Every Mother's Day that passes, I am still a mom. Just a mommy to an angel.

Answer

I like that you want to get her a gift . I'm sure she would like that . There's not much you can say . Just listen and be there for her .

Answer

That you love her. That you are sorry for her loss. That you cry with her and listen to her whenever she needs. That's all she needs. (Atleast that is everything I needed when it happened to me.)

Answer

That was a fantastic way to handle it. From now on the best thing you can do is be open to listening to her talk about it. Don't press her about it but be willing to hear her. Often we just want someone to acknowledge that our baby was here without making it awkward.

What CAN I say to a friend that experienced a miscarriage?

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