tl;dr - I've got zero experience with dating or anything like that but I think I've got my first crush on this guy. I'm 19 but I've never had a proper crush before and I don't know how to feel about anything!

Sorry it's long;

I'm 19 and I feel like I'm pretty far behind most other girls my age when it comes to dating etc. I felt like I was a lesbian for years but I have homophobic parents so kept it completely quiet and never acted on it. At 17 I realised I was bisexual and for the first time I was genuinely attracted to a guy but never got into any dating situations. Now at 19 I'd still say I'm attracted to both men and women but I'm definitely more into guys at this point in my life. I've still never, ever dated anyone or even kissed and I definitely feel a bit behind. I'm not too concerned right now though because I have CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome) which I'm slowly recovering from but it's going to take a long time (I've had it 2 years) and I feel like dating would just complicate things considering being at university is already a lot for me.

My plan of not dating was all fine and dandy until I met this guy at my martial arts classes. I've started taking them since last semester as a way to build up my strength again on my own terms (I can sit out if my cfs plays up). I first met him at one of the club socials at this bar where I thought he was pretty cute back in September and we really hit it off without it being flirty. We added each other on Facebook and I realised he had a girlfriend, no problem, it just made it easier for me to not get involved. He doesn't come to a lot of training sessions but every time we've been in the same one we've had the same great conversation flows which is saying a lot because my cfs makes it difficult for me to socialise with people I don't 'click' with. After training one day we all went to this local pub to chill out and he came along and we just had a really hilarious night where him, another member and I were in fits of giggles over ridiculous things -again, rare with my cfs. Loads of the members also went to the cinema around this time and a couple of us went to find a bar afterwards and he came. We both chatted a bit (less than normal because of seating arrangements) and when I said I didn't have plans for NYE he got really excited because he was going to be alone NYE as well (we live away from home at uni, I was coming back early to get revision done and he was working) he suggested we do something together but I didn't know exactly when I'd be back so we didn't really plan anything. As it happened I was ill NYE and he spent it with his family so no biggie. My friend told me today though that his relationship with his girlfriend ended a month ago (she's going through a breakup so guessing they spoke about it) and I Facebooked him for some computer help today and we were just as chatty as usual and he checked I was going to training tomorrow "because you should". Maybe it's harmless but it felt a tiny bit flirty.

I've started realising I actually really like this guy but I don't know what to do because I might be reading into things too much? Also it's making me really nervous about seeing him and I've never felt like this really because every guy I've ever found attractive before has been someone random or someone I just never spoke to much. It's really weird for me because I'm really looking forward to seeing him tomorrow but I'm worried I'm letting my feelings get ahead of me and I don't want to embarras myself by not knowing how to act around him! I feel like I'm thinking too far ahead as well but I don't know if I want to get into a dating situation either? It's probably not good for me with my cfs and I'm not comfortable enough with myself yet (I've always felt like I should love myself before getting into anything like this but I still hate my body) but at the same time I want to experiment with this type of thing because I'm 19 and I have zero experience!

I'm not even sure what I'm asking but I guess is this normal?! I've just never had a crush really so I feel really lost...

Omg!😱

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