As a woman who is struggling with infertility (albeit for only two years, which is nothing compared to others) I understand that women who effortlessly fall pregnant do not understand what it feels like to have no control over getting the one thing you want more then anything.  

I also understand that often these women make well-intended comments, unaware of how deeply they cut. I (as I am sure you all) have many examples. I have started a list below, but please add any you have had. 

6. 'You could always adopt.' Like that's any easier on the bank account or a personals mental health or a faster option. 

7. 'I had a friend who's brothers, girlfriends, sister was told they would never have kids, then they got pregnant on their own!' While I am happy for that random person that everyone seems to know, the statistical chances of that happening are low, and they are the exception not the rule. 

8. 'If it's meant to be it will be.' Yep, I don't even have an answer for this one, but it cuts so deep. 

9. 'Maybe you're not doing 'it' enough.' Ohh, that's where we're going wrong, you actually have to have SEX to get pregnant?!?

10. 'We had no problems getting pregnant, I think we're so firtile I get pregnant just having him look at me.' Thank you for shoving your fertility down my throat, I hadn't noticed your 17 children following you like ducklings. Oh and maybe he should wear a blindfold!

I have heard these comment from many different people, friends, family, co-workers. Sometimes they are people I have confided in, sometimes not. But last week I had my first comment from a health care professional. My GP is amazingly supportive, and honest, he offered my husband and I a FS referral 11 months ago, but I wasn't ready yet. Just before Christmas I finally took him up on the offer. Last week I rang the number and was told by a rude, nosie nurse that I had rung the wrong number, before she would give me the right number for initial appointments she started asking me questions. 

How old are you?

24. 

Oh! Do you have a female partner?

Umm no, he is a man (Like the only reason someone of my age could need help is because they are gay).

Well you can't have been trying long..? 

Just over 2 years. 

Has your GP even done any tests..?

Yes actually! He has done all non-invasive test knowing that any specialist will re-do them. 

It was the first time that I have felt judged for looking into our situation at our age. If you wait til you're older you get judged, but apparently if you are 'too young' you are also in the wrong. 

Sometimes the questions/comments/judgements come from people who I haven't shared my troubled secrets with, but they feel because I've been married for a couple if years there must be problems or I would have 2 or 3 by now. 

I realise how contradictory this is about to sound, but while I wish people would mind their own business, I also wish, more then anything, that infertility was not a taboo topic. That we weren't made to feel isolated, alone and that our troubles had to be suffered in private silence. 

I often feel as though the small number of people whom I have confided in are sick of hearing about inferitity from me, I don't want to rish pushing them away so I end up internalising most of what I think and feel and lock myself in my own private, self contained prison, feeling that I will never escape this hell. And being married at 22, before most of my friends are engaged means I have decades of people around me having what I can not, and not being able to release the emotions I feel inside. 

I do feel better having come in here to write it out, and please add to the list of comments you have had thrown at you and who the worst offenders are. I hope that eventually talking about infertility will be as common as talking about the weather. 

xx