Could I have your input, ladies??

Question

I'm 20 years old, and my boyfriend is just about to turn 24. He says he doesn't ever want kids, and it has created a little friction in our relationship (not entirely on its own) because I DO want kids. When I bring it up, I usually get shut down and I'm not sure where to go from here. I'm REALLY into the guy, we've been together for about a year, and some time within the next five, I would like to settle down and start a family... but he doesnt.. and I don't know how to talk to him about it. Any ideas? Comments?

Answer

He at least owes you a conversation. Sit him down, and explain your side maturely and calmly. Something like 'I really love our relationship and you are very important to me. But, having kids eventually is also important to me.' Ask him to explain his side. Good luck.

Answer

When my husband and I met he told me he would NEVER get married. 2 years later he surprised me and proposed. I think sometimes men feel a little scared in the beginning. I would give it another year and don't mention it AT ALL, then bring it up again and see if it's changed at all... If not then it might be time to move on if he isn't worth the sacrifice of never having kids

Answer

My husband was the same way.  I respected his interests because I knew why he didn't want kids.  I loved him enough that I was ok with being the aunt that got to spoil her nieces and nephews and have lots of spoiled rotten fur babies.  Over many years he has finally changed his mind and now we're ttc.  You definitely can't expect him to change though because he'll resent you otherwise.  Do you know why he doesn't want kids?  That could tell you a lot.

Answer

Grr, I meant to delete my reply to my own comment, not the comment to begin with! Fail!

What I said was: you can't expect him to change his mind if he's sure. I've always been sure I didn't want children. It's just a personal preference and how I want to live my life. So, if he's sure, and you pressure him into changing his mind, he'll likely resent you for it. Same goes for you-- if you really want a family and he talks you out of it, you'll never feel fulfilled and you'll likely resent him for it.

You're both entitled to the lives you want, with our without children. Ultimately, this may mean your lives won't be together, but you will find partners who share those same ideals.

I accidentally got pregnant and my now ex-husband talked me into keeping the baby instead of having her adopted. Long story short, he left me alone to raise her, cheated, divorced, took her across the country, and I've been pulled in so many directions... I'm finally terminating my rights and she is being adopted by his girlfriend... I'm glad she has a loving family but I really regret allowing myself to sacrifice my own comfort on such a huge level. Oh well, water under the bridge now.

Answer

I would sit down and ask him why he doesn't ever want children. Tell him that you really want to have a family someday. If he still says he doesn't, you need to ask yourself if you could live the rest of your life without children or if you should find someone more compatible in that area.

Answer

That's something that everyone should discuss in the beginning of a relationship before getting serious that way ur both on the same page. Who knows he could change his mine but u should have a serious talk with him because if that's ur dream than maybe u should move on and find someone that wants what u want.

Answer

I'd end it you want different things in life

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If it was ne I eouldnt continue a relationship with someone who didn't want the same things in like as I do.

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In my honest opinion you probably need to reevaluate your feelings for this guy. You deserve to settle down and have a family don't let some guy who doesn't want to grow up keep that from you and don't waste your time. If he really cares about you he'd want what you want and would want a family with you. Part of falling in love and knowing if they're the one is to ask yourself if you could see each other starting a family. If the BOTH of you don't feel that way it won't work and it will cause a problem later like divorcing before you even make it to your 1 year anniversary.  The divorce rate is too high with people getting married and part of that reason is because they are jumping the gun too quickly. Don't make that mistake and make yourself happy. I hope it works out for you.

Answer

Wrong guy then

Could I have your input, ladies??

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