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Overeaters Anonymous Group: shared from there until more people join the group.

I know this is a weight loss group and that's different to an Overeaters Anonymous group but at least 2 people said they're interested in that poll so please find the group if you are.

Here's my first entry to the OA group (posting here too in case anyone can relate to this)

"Writing/journaling is supposed to help so here it goes.

Ate so much that my stomach hurts, again. So much that if I move too suddenly I think I'll be sick.

Spent about an hour looking for online OA chat rooms but they were all either blocked by Java or no longer running or not actually discussing OA.

What is wrong with me? I wish I didn't feel such an intensive desire to eat to this insane extent. I'm so jealous of people who stop eating when their full. I feel like I'm an animal; if there's food available I can't refuse it because there's some part of me that feels like it's the last chance I'll have to be able to eat it.

I tell myself so many lies, the biggest one being 'If I eat *** while I'm doing my plan it'll be easier to focus'. I said that this morning and now I'm slouched in a chair too uncomfortable to move and feeling sorry for myself. Occasionally I speak to people who sound like they have a similar problem but very quickly realise I'm much worse and I have to play down how bad I am. I've actually stopped talking to people I've binged with/in front of because I'm so worried/embarrassed in case they bring it up in front of someone else I know. I wish I didn't care about food, I wish I sometimes would forget to eat even. I wish I could take all pleasure from food so that it all tastes bland and then I could eat what and when I need to but I think even the feeling of eating, the textures and excitement of having bought a load of stuff would be enough.

Anyway so that's what I've done today.

I'm going to try and write out all my trigger foods (which could take a while) and then try writing a meal plan. Three moderate meals a day and an optional snack.

My problem is the excuses I manage to come up with. "Just a little bit" "that's sort of healthy though" "this will put you in a better mood though" "you deserve this because today was difficult" "you deserve this because you did awesome today" "you should treat yourself to this because youve done well" "you might as well eat this because you've messed up already anyway"... Constantly going around my head. It's like there's an extra person in my head who wants me to die of some horrible obesity related disease ASAP.

Anyway. So from what I've gathered about OA I need a meal plan. Eating compulsively when not hungry is breaking the abstinence. Sticking to the meal plan should ensure I know when I should reasonable be feeling hungry or if it's just a craving.

I'm normally fine eating cooked meals at home, it's when I'm out that the downward spiral kicks in. I'll go to three different shops collecting up a bounty and then sit and eat it until I can't move. I only really enjoy the first mouthful and the rest just gets shovelled in robotically. Maybe I should add shops to my triggers.

So, writing out my trigger foods and places. I finished the last mouthful of my binge about two hours ago now.

So let's say two hours abstinent from compulsive overeating and see how long I can go this time!"

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