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Question

So me and my boyfriend have been together a little over two years. Last night, we got into a really bad fight.. And our first fight in 6 weeks. It started at him not saying I love you back and he feels I say it too much. And I kept trying to talk to him about it and it lead to him saying he didn't know if he wanted this or not. He didn't want the stupid fights and that he knows I want kids in the future(not ANYTIME soon) and that I want to get married and he doesn't want those things. He's terrified of commitment and I knew that. Later on I told him I need to know what he wants or if he wants to end it. He said yes he wants this. I said are you sure and he said I think so, idk. I said well do you love me? And he said yes.. I think so. 
It wasn't going good and I was hurt.
But I asked if before our stupid fight, if we were happy and if he was happy and he said yes! I'm so confused. I have to keep in mind that I'm his first real relationship.. I need advice on what he means.. I'm 20 and he's 21

Answer

Don't you think that you maybe pressing him to say something he is not ready to say? Even if it unconsciously.

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First of all there should never be a fight over something like this, you cant make somone love you, I understand having a conversation and trying to figure out what each side needs, or what is lacking, but never a fight. Sometimes relationship need time to blossom and grow, and if you push him you will never know, take time if you love him and let him determine how he feels, if not then it maybe best if you just leave him, if its not what you want

Answer

When i was younger "i love you" was súper important... But look for ways he shows you his love...
My husband never says I love you and his joking troy for when I say it is"as you should"... It's funny and I don't doubt his love for me in the least!!!!  Sometimes we have to get beyond what culture says love is defined by... Does he do things that show you he loves you? If so act more appreciative forwards him even if it's insignificant things like unloading the dishwasher...  I act overly bubbly when I see my man do things like this and he gets really proud of himself and it's better than any "I love you"... Anyone can say that... But to act it or do things is completely different... Look up his love language.. It took me te but I  so glad my man was mature enough to let me learn..  We had our moments and he said the same thing yours did and I was hurt too but then I realized he was right.. Stop pressuring him and appreciate him for him and you will see a different man :).. And you will grow yourself too... Again "I love you" is fairly overrated look for other ways he shows you he loves you...

Answer

Thank you everyone for yalls responses and advice. The other night was just a really bad night and it wasn't that he didn't say it back, it was that he was just ignoring me. We talked about it last night and he said he was just really really angry and that the stuff he said, he didn't mean at all. I told him not to tell me he loves me unless he means it and he still says it so that says enough. He knows I love him and doesn't have to be reassured and I guess I'm the opposite. And as far as kids and marriage goes, I'm 19 about to be 20. I don't know what I want in life yet and neither does he and that's okay. He apologized for everything and I forgave him. But we still have things to work on!

Answer

He doesn't want kids or marriage. You do. Those things are important to you and you won't be able to change his mind just be staying with him. I think you two simply want different things and I can't see this ending happily.

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In my first relationships around 17- twenty, I fought with my boyfriends about once a week over something. When I met my husband at 23, we didn't have out first fight for TWO YEARS. Now it's been five years, and we have two kids, and I say we have a fight about every six months, and it's always insignificant. You can find a man out there you get along with. You choose not to fight. You can choose a man you get along with. It's way better than a volitile relationship!

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I had this same fight last year!! I broke up with him and he told me he does love me and that he was confused. I'm with him again and now he's so different. He tells me every morning he loves me and he is so much more loving and kind to me. Relationships take time, be patient with him. If you're both happy together right now, don't speed up anything. I say I love you too much, but I told it's how I feel and he doesn't have to say it back wveryrime until he means it. For refrence, I'm 20 and he's 24.

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It means you guys are young and still immature a bit and fighting. You will learn but you're both still very young. Fighting is overrated lol

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I left my ex for this reason. I was 22 and he was 28 and despite having said he wanted to get married and have a family, and MOVED IN WITH ME, got two cats with me, after 3 years he said he doesn't want any of these things, and cheated on me 3 times. So I left him. Your SO should never reject you, or make you feel unsure. You can't make him love you, and you can't make him change. The light at the end of the tunnel is I met someone who was way more suited to me and I'm so much happier. Good luck with whatever you decide. X

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