Happy, Sad, Jealous

Today I found out that my niece and her husband is expecting their second child and it's going to be a little girl and she is due in July. I was so happy for her at first. I mean I still am. But after finding out, I got a little sad and jealous. Sad because I don't have a little girl. I have two amazing and handsome little boys. I was pregnant last year and had a miscarriage after three months. My husband we planned a summer baby and lost that pregnancy. Jealous cause I really want a daughter in my life and here I see so many people that I know of this year that had a girl or will be. After finding out what she was having I wasn't able to focus on work cause I was sad and disappointed at myself. Maybe it's just my bad luck. I cried a little going home from work. Talked to my husband about it but made sure he didn't know I was crying with tears while on the phone with him. Just the thought of it through out the day gave me headache and stress that what if I end up having all boys only. I can finally say I understand parents who wants a specific gender or parents who can't conceive so easily. It's hard and stressful. I love my boys and will always love them. I just hope that one day I will have a little girl of my own.