In complete shock, my husband is drug addict...
Okay, I know long detailed posts can be somewhat tedious to get through and even more difficult to respond to without knowing the whole situation. Thanks for taking time to read this... I was going to post anonymously bc I am so embarrassed but I realized that you all won't judge me and I'm trying to remember this is not my fault.
Let me start by saying I feel very ashamed for being so blind to what was going in my household. I just got married in February, have been ttc since last July with my now husband.
My husband is apparently the best liar and fake I've ever come in contact with. I recently discovered he is a drug addict. An obviously he is a functioning drug addict bc I literally had no idea. Little background on our relationship. We very rarely go out and party together bc last year he had his second dwi and had a permanent breathalyzer in his car. He did his community service and paid his dues and had it removed in December.
In October we moved to a new city to be near my family and new baby niece. During those first 3 months he was driving back to Austin every weekend to fulfill his community service commitments. We would barely talk while he was there bc he was busy all morning and "going to bed early." Im completely trusting person so I never questioned him.
Fast forward to january. He's constantly staying up late... One night I wake up in the middle of the night and come out to get a glass of water and caught him doing massive amounts of cocaine. I took it from him and told him I hid it but really I flushed down the toilet. He promised it would never happen again. One week later he leaves in the middle of the night. When I wake up to find him gone I call/text a million times. He ignores me all night, FOR EIGHT HOURS. My SIL had left her phone in his car after we went to dinner the night before so we tracked him and he was driving all over town.
Turns out he was doing cocaine all night again. And like an idiot, I gave him yet another chance. Well now it's happened again two weeks later.
I don't trust him. I hate him. I feel like I don't and can't ever love him again. I know drugs can do terrible things to people and I feel guilty for wanting to leave him when he needs help, but I have a history of drug use back in college 7 years ago and have done everything to stay away from it.
I've given him multiple opportunities to make the right choice and he just doesn't. Drugs are more important than I am. Am I wrong for wanting to leave him? Do I really need to keep giving him more opportunities to change? Help :(
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