Anorexia...what to say??

Question

I have a niece suffering from anorexia. She's just been diagnosed in the past few weeks after two life threatening hospitalisations and is entering a clinic for full time treatment tomorrow. I'm going to travel down to see her for the day, twice a week and I'd love to be able to support her the best way I can.

Is there any advice someone could give me on what to say to her? Any tips on how she may be thinking? I really want to do this right. I'm so worried. Thank you

Answer

My sister suffered from anorexia for years and is now recovered, thank god. I think the biggest thing is to not act like there isn't anything going on, but also don't treat her like a victim. You can ask her how she's feeling, how treatment is going, if she likes her doctors, etc. But don't baby her and make her feel pitied or helpless. Tell her you're proud of her, that this will take a lot of time and strength but you believe in her, and that you're there for her indefinitely. I avoided talking about how my sister looked, like saying things such as "you look great! You're filling out beautiful!". I didn't want to trigger any kind of negative response. But every case is different, and it wouldn't be out of place for you to talk to her doctor and ask what kinds of topics you should avoid or focus on. Mostly, just remember that she's still a person, and this experience doesn't make her weaker but stronger. I wish her all the best!

Answer

I wish your niece a healthy fast recovery. I've known people to go through this and it is very hard. Best wishes to you and your family.

Answer

I reccomend avoiding compliments and it will be okays. When I was really sick people complimenting me threw me into a fit, and I know that's the case for quite a few... "It will be okay" always seemed really fake because in my Brain it was "lol no I'm gonna die or get fat AND EVERYTHING SUCKS" 
Just let her know you're there for her. Talk to her like she's not sick. She's still the same person.

Answer

I think just the fact that you are spending time with her will mean the most.

Answer

As someone who was anorexic as a teen, for me it was less about looks and more about needing to feel a sense of control over something. It later became cutting for much of the same reason. Just do not judge and don't talk about her body or anorexia constantly if at all. Let her know that you are there for her and leave it at that. Maybe share something vulnerable from your teen years so she doesn't feel alone. Don't tell her she was beautiful the way she looked because it may not be a looks issue and that trivializes it. Tell her you love her. Mine was a control issue, but it stemmed from changing schools, having no friends, feeling like I had nobody to confide in, coming from a big family where I got no attention or affection from my parents, etc. Being thin and pretty really wasn't the reason. Get her mind off of the weight and ask her about her likes, music, movies, apps, hobbies etc. listen to her and show interest. Show her that her views and interests matter to you. That will boost her confidence without bringing up body image.

Answer

Thank you Jenny. I took that advice and we had a lovely visit!

Answer

Anorexia?
Or anorexia nervosa?
Because those are two very different diagnosis and it would be handled differently.

Anorexia...what to say??

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