Idk anymore tmi any help would be grateful

I'm 9dpo. Though I implanted on Sunday that was 4dpo, had dull pain on rt side.had bleeding yd and today. It enough for a liner, lasted from 9 last night till about ten this morning and had to change it. Dark Red no clots. Cirvex is high, soft and between med and closed. It started out like IB and I was like ok, not enough for a liner, then it bled through my undies. But I have had this happen before Bc I have bigger veins in my lining. after bleeding like a period for 3/4 days with my last pg I had a positive test. If I didn't know I was pg last time I would have thought it was just af. It came when she was due but was just short. Ended in mc. Rt nw  It's not cramps on the entire uterus but on one side and will switch side. But I feel the blood running through my cirvex cause it's almost closed. I'm only 9dpo. Wtf is af here? I feel like a failure. I feel not good enough for my honey cause I can't give him a child. I feel like I hurt him Bc I tell him I'm pg and he's happy and then I end up mc. All I can do Is wait. And if it is af, wait one more cycle to make sure I'm ok. Just wish this getting pregnant thing was like we were brain washed in school for it to be. If it was " have sex once and you will have a baby no matter what" that they don't tell you is that it's bs. Ya you can get pg by bf once but what they don't tell you is that it has to be at a special time, and that you can mc. If it were like school I would have a million kids.