I delivered my daughter after a mostly normal pregnancy at 34 weeks in November of 2013.

We lost our last sweet baby, Logan, unexpectedly when I was 3 months pregnant December 16th of 2015. We were devastated. I think the hardest part of miscarriage for me was the feeling of utter failure and guilt. I kept going over everything I had eaten, every heavy object I lifted, each negative thought I may have had. I spent weeks retracing every single step I had made in three months trying to find a reason. Trying to make sense of my loss.

We found out we were pregnant again and can look forward to a Christmas baby. I don't know yet how healthy the pregnancy is so far, but it's hard not to give into obsessing about every single little thing I do during the day. Wondering if I'll somehow take a wrong turn that will make us lose this baby.

My doctor feels that progesterone injections might be beneficial this time around. It's something he wants to discuss at our ultrasound the first week in May. For now, I'm taking vitamin d3 and trying to remain positive.

I really appreciate having a community to confess and discuss these feelings with. It's hard for me to talk to friends or family about the loss because I feel like I let them down too. Or maybe it's some other reason. I don't know.

Anyway, that's my story. I will find a way to be optimistic and to stop worrying soon. I'm excited to focus on the life I'm growing. This is going to be an amazing ride!

I can't wait to fall in love