I wanna be excited

But I just can't get there.  My So and I are struggling financially and now finding out we're expecting again after my IUD and plan b failed  has added a huge mountain of stress. I honestly have no idea how we're going to make it.
I feel awful for even thinking that sometimes I just wish I would  have a miscarriage. I sit in the bathroom at night and just cry... 
I wish I was over the moon excited to be expecting again. 
I wanna be excited I really do, I'm so scared and unsure.
Please don't tell me I'm a horrible person because trust me I know I already am.