Am I horrible? Sorry long story..

Question

If I'm alone in this tell me so I will know I'm wrong and need to change or give up...
I'm about to marry my fiance. We've been together 3 years. I've help raise his son who's about to be 6 and we have a 2yo daughter together. I love my family very much, however I don't really like my stepson. Before I came along, he was beyond spoiled by his mother, father, and maternal grandmother. They did everything for him and let him have what he wanted. He didn't pick up after himself, didn't eat what he didn't want, and still to this day expects a toy or game whenever we leave the house. After he came to live with us permanently 2 yes ago, I've taught him to tie his shoes, clean up his room, eat what I cook and not a different meal completely. His father thinks I'm too hard on him but even my 2yo knows to put her dirty clothes in the dirty basket! My step son cries at every little thing and I can't stand it. Am I wrong? Am I too hard on him? They say I treat him and my daughter differently, like I love her more but am I wrong if I do?

Answer

I don't think you're wrong at all. It might seem like you're being harder on him, because you're not just teaching him the proper way to behave...you're having to actually correct & change wrong behaviors. If he's going to be in your home, he needs to respect you & your standards for behavior. Your fiance should really be the one enforcing that. But ultimately, your fiance and his son are a package deal. Good luck!

Answer

I'm sure you do treat them differently. You've taught your daughter your way of doing things from the start and are having to un-teach bad behavior and re-teach proper behavior to your stepson. These are completely different processes and the latter is more difficult, especially if you are doing it without support from your fiance. Parenting is a team effort. If your fiance doesn't get on board it may be impossible to correct the boy's behavior and then you'll be in for a lifetime of this frustration.

Answer

Kids do have different temperaments and abilities. They are all different. No you are not wrong for loving your daughter more. Showing favoritism however, will make the future with your son harder. Get that in check. You chose his dad, you chose him. Just be a good mom to both. Best wishes!

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Actually YOU ARE RIGHT!!! There is no reason why he should get to keep up that old routine. You are training him to be a future adult who has responsibilities.

Answer

you are not wrong, however i think that you should seriouslythink thoroughly before marring someone (even the father of you child) who is so unresponsable with his children and with whom you do not have common views on childraising. i am not judging, just saying since my daughter's father and i have profoundly different takes on parenthood and it ultimately (plus other issues like drinking and violenc )  brought an end to our marriage.

Answer

He needs to settle into your routine.
It will get better and you will love that boy in no time flat.

Answer

Oh yeah, you're awful. NO! I don't think you're wrong at all and it doesn't sound like you're too tough on him at all. Some kids need more discipline than others! I highly doubt you "love your daughter more" I think you're doing a fine job. Don't let other people being you down they're being ridiculous. You're going to raise him to be a great kid. :)

Answer

No you're damn right. You are the picture of what a good step parent is. Keep doing what you're doing! :)

Answer

I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal, you are NEVER going to love this boy as your own, and of course you will treat him differently that's only human! From what you have said you teach him the same things as your own kid.  If he is spoilt then a solid upbringing is what he needs! Sounds like you are doing a better job than his own flesh and blood. You are not mean for thinking these things at all, my SO is not father to my three children and I know he will never love them as his own, that's nature! but he does his best by ghem and that's all I would ever ask.  You are teaching him life skills that's I think that's really important for children to learn no matter what age, putting clothes in a wash basket may seem like you're being a meany to others but honestly that is normal, it's teaching them to Clean up after themselves.  Far too many kids have their parents pick up after them and then expect it later on in life and they become untidy and lay abouts and expect mummy and daddy to do it all! You're doing a good job, keep it up!

Answer

You're totally not wrong. It's really hard to deal with children that aren't yours especially if the ones that raised them did poorly. You just have to remember that it's not his fault that the people that were raising him did it wrong. He's only ever know the way that they've raised him so try not to be too hard on him if he doesn't change too quickly.

Am I horrible? Sorry long story..

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