Just want someone to listen. Long read. Sorry

Hi all, i am 31 and ttc#1. 
I have arthritis and epilepsy so take a lot of meds. I have had to come off a couple as you cannot concieve on them due to their toxicity. 
I am in a lot of pain due to this and a bit miserable. 
Anyway, i got my mirena removed last year 23rd dec. got my first af on 25th dec so thought i was regularises quite early, good sign.
Since then, i have ovulated on cd16 cd18 and not at all. I felt strange on my 2nd cycle in feb and took a pregnancy test. It was a super super faint positive (i think!) but i got af a couple days later and was devastated. Not sure if the test was faulty or if i had an early mc/chemical. So i'm either fertile and lost it or gona have trouble cos i am not reliably ovulating :( i also don't really get ewcm- is that normal? I have a lot of cm but not the stretchy kind!
I recently had an abnormal smear teat, showing abnormal cells and hpv. I also subsequently got told i have a retroverted uterus. No idea if this will affect my chances.
This worries me so much. The odds are against me i feel. My age, my illness etc.
I am a healthy weight, i don't iften drink alcohol and i'm trying to have my 5 a day. I take conception vitamins and we are going to use preseed. 
I am teying my best but i am stressed out. I am desperate for a baby. I really am. It physically hurts to think it may not happen. I hate seeing other babies because it breaks my heart. 
I may be overreacting but i have a right to feel things even if they dont make sense to anyone else. 
I also had an abortion about 7 yrs ago, i feel like i'm being punished for it. Thing is, i was on so many meds i dont know how i could have gone theough with the pregnancy. 
I am feeling really low. I just wondered if anyone had some friendly advice or similar experiences to share with me on any of the above. Please don't judge, i know there are ladies trying years but we're still ultimately facing the same struggles and we should support each other. Good luck to all ttc. 
(Posting anon for now, as feeling vulnerable.)