He is a Brazilian national and I am American (living here) and he travels back and forth to see his daughter there every 3 weeks (3-4 weeks here, 2 weeks there) which is tough on our relationship. He works in oil, so a lot of his colleges have been laid off and he has felt the stress of the current oil prices. 

 

Well, when he left yesterday, his company said he can come back, but they can't pay his expenses any more,  which is fine, but we have to move from the gorgeous $2k a month apartment into something more practical. (Read: extra stress)

 

So, on Wednesday we went out to dinner and had sex after, but it was quickie sex. Bent over the bed, no cuddling after, no intimacy. Thursday, we went out to dinner again, had nice sex (at least face to face) but after, he used his jui jitshu moves on me to break up cuddling after all of 2 minutes. Friday morning, he couldn't sleep and woke me up at 4 am playing on his phone and when I tried to cuddle him, he told me to stop being annoying and yelled at me about not being able to sleep. Well, he stayed on the phone for another 3 hours, so, clearly, his playing helped him sleep!

 

Friday afternoon, I've told him he's hurt my feelings, he's apologized, he comes back to apartment to finish packing, we have quickie sex again over the side of the bed and he doesn't even kiss me after before he is back to packing and getting ready to leave. I even asked him to please take a minute to come show me some affection and he refused. Well, he really really deeply hurt my feelings.

 

So, we head to the airport and he can tell I'm being quite so he asks what's wrong, and I tell him you really hurt my feelings in that you couldn't spare 5 minutes when you knew I was hurting to make me feel important before you leave for 6 WEEKS. And he didn't say anything, just sighed.

 

Well, drop him off at the airport and he still says mothing, he hasn't taken me aside to hug me or do anything to make it better, quick kiss, thanks for coming with me to the airport, bye.

 

So I texted him on the way home, "you've really really hurt my feelings and it's not fair for you to leave me feeling like this before you leave for 6 weeks. I deserve to always be treated with love and respect and you did not treat me very lovingly the last 24 hours when I really needed it."

 

And he called to yell at me. Told me I didn't have the right to be upset because he had taken me to dinner, he is going through a lot and I need to just shut up and smile through this period. I need to get over my needs. To which I responded, fine, if I have to get over mine because they aren't important, I assume that means yours aren't important either and you should just get over them too! And hung up.

 

I was irate. He called back a few minutes later to apologize, but I am still very hurt and now I'm mad. I'm pretty sure he basically implied that he bought my happiness and sweetness and forgiveness from his shitty behavior with a couple of dinners, which he expenses so his company actually paid for! Doesn't that, whether he thought it through or not, make me a bit of a hooker?!

 

That's not my question, my question, after all of that is this: am I justified in being upset and hurt that I was so obviously such a low priority before he left? He knew I was hurting, deeply, and all I wanted was 5 minutes of intimacy.