Finally broke up

So I guess I knew it was coming, but I really believed we could work things out. I had held too many things in and today I told him every thing I thought, and he didn't like it. At the end of the convo, he said I was heartless and called me the bad guy. I felt so hurt that's how he saw me.

I'm also sad that I'm losing a friendship. I'm so shy and it's hard for me to open up and make friends. With him, I felt free and would get hyper and silly. But now that's gone. Right now, I live in a new town. No family (besides my mom), no friends. He was the only one I could talk to and now that's gone. I have no one to turn to and I feel so alone.

I don't know how I'm going to get over him. He was my first boyfriend. We' ve been together over five years now. I don't know how to not think about him, it's what I've been doing every day.

I know my mom will say to get over him and that there are other guys out there, but it's so hard for me to meet new people, and she doesn't understand I'm a demisexual. I'm certain one reason why I even got into this relationship was because we met online and had known eachother for oer a year before deciding to meet in person, and another 6 months to accept his request to be my boyfriend.