Am I crazy? Or is he being unfair?

Question

I have a question, I'm a first time mom and pregnant with twins. I'm due in August but am aware the babies can come early. Anyways I'm currently still living with my parents in an apartment so me and my fiancé are trying to find a house with my parents so that I will have help with the babies while he as at work. Or find a small place for us near my parents. His family lives about a half an hour away from me and he is refusing to move where we currently  live because he doesn't want to be far from him family. I don't particularly like his mother and i think I need to be close to my family so I'm not stuck at home during the day while he is at work and so that I have family there that can help when I need it. He apparently doesn't think I'll need help and wants to move somewhere in between where both of our families live. Well I don't have a car and I don't think that would be very practical for me and the babies to abandoned like that. Am I being wrong? He is severely upset with me about this saying that I'm making him do all these things and sacrifice so much. But he just doesn't get it. Will I need as much help with twins as everyone is saying I will?

Answer

Living in between the two seems fair to me. But I do understand where you are coming from!! Trust me!! I wish my family lived closer, but they are 26 hours away. And then my husbands family is about the same distance. We will always feel more comfortable with our family than with our spouses family. (Not all feel that way but majority). I don't want you to think I'm saying you are the one being unfair, you really are not. But also do understand, he is also having to work ontop of taking care of twins. So he may also want his parents around o help. The comment about how you will be able to handle just fine is just a little rude, but at least he has the confidence in you. I would explain to him that even a single baby is hard by yourself. That you really want the help. That you feel more comfortable having your parents near because, obviously, that's who you grew up with. I would think about the in between, because it would provide extra help if needed.

Answer

I can't really say if he is wrong and you are right, you need to figure out that between you...

But, my situation is this:

My family lives three hours away, husbands family lives six hours away. I will not have much help from them with the twins. I did good with my singleton under the same circumstances, and I think I will be OK this time too.

Of course, it would be nice to have my mother closer to us, but we do just fine where we live now :)

Answer

I think he's idea seems fair. You got both families on either side equally that can step up and help. You may wanna throw your issues out the window with his mother and make amends before baby comes. Trust me it will only cause more stress on you and ur relationship with your fiancé. When I had my 1st son I held up a huge wall to my MIL and it caused a major riff in my marriage. Finally my MIL and I are on really good terms but it's taken work and time. So trust me his idea is fair for both families. You won't always be stuck at home. Your families will come visit and help. And take you aced if you need. Try not and stress about it. I do suggest looking at a nice neighborhood with a park you can walk with the babies too. And hopefully your new neighbors will have young kids and you make friends.

Answer

He's right ... It's fair that u meet in the middle . Just as much as u want to b near your family for help he may need the same from his family even though he may not express that to u . And as far as his mom... Atleast he's not asking u to move next door to her. Lol I can def relate to that because I don't care for my husbands mom either. I just keep my distance and try to b cordial that's it and that's all.

Answer

I should also put in that it's only his mom that lives a half a hour away with no car so we wouldn't get help from her til he's off work anyways Cus she would have no way to get to us. If we lived closer to my family is have my parents my sister my grand parents and cousins. And I would get help within a few minutes if I needed it. If I run out of diapers or formula or whatever the case may be if something happened to the babies I don't have a car and his mother doesn't have a car so there's not she could do to help anyways, I would need my family just a phone call away.

Answer

I think his idea is fair because that way your parents and his parents are 15 min each way and I bet they will both want to be there for you even if you don't like his family he might need them as much as you need yours

Answer

I think it should be worked out between the two off you equally, & fairly. In between families is a good idea, that way you both have family near by. I have 2 kids, & me & my fiancé are expecting twins, I have some family that lives close, & his family lives a hour & a half away. Both of our families are there for us, but we take care of kids 24/7 by ourselves & will be with the twins also. It's hard sometimes between both of us working, but be always figure it out!! I just think it should be a equal choice, your the mother, & he's the father, & I've always been one that feels that the father has just as much rights as the mother. Hope you guys can work it out to were it benefits both of you, & for the babies.

Am I crazy? Or is he being unfair?

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey