Not a happy birthday....

Today I turned 32. It was not a happy birthday... I'm still miscarrying naturally. The bleeding just won't stop. Tomorrow is my first ultrasound-- it was scheduled when I found out I was pregnant weeks ago. Now it is scheduled to make sure nothing is there. My in-laws are coming tomorrow. We were going to tell them after our ultrasound that we were pregnant. Now they are coming to support us. It was suppose to be a happy birthday, but it's just not. When my coworkers tell me how sorry they are for my loss I just smile and say that it's ok- we'll try again.... But inside I'm fighting back tears because I am angry that my coworker is hating her pregnancy because she has gained weight. I'm fighting back tears because all my life I said I didn't want kids until I married my husband. I'm fighting back tears because I'm another year older. I'm fighting back tears because I bonded with the emptiness inside me not knowing that it was already gone....