Trying to get over my depression while pregnant.

Hi everyone. I wanted to share my progress in getting over my depression while pregnant in hopes that you all would share your stories or words of advice. I know there's others out there like me and I just want to share that I'm doing ok and I am starting to enjoy my pregnancy and hope the same goes for you all.

Well, here it goes:

So when I found out I was pregnant not only was I a month and a half along, but I was also in the process of weaning off of my depression medicine after years of battling it and becoming strong... and as you can imagine when I found out, that same day I quit taking my medication. Well, the next day all the symptoms I lacked before my big news, appeared and I immediately began regretting my hubby and mine decision to begin a family. For a whole week i was crying and angry and restless and in pain all over. I made it as far as to tell my husband that I felt like I was dying and that no one told me I would be so miserable or that my life would change drastically while carrying( since I couldn't leave the house because the nausea was extremely unbearable). I remember my husband looked at me and said with a heartbreaking face of concern and anguish that if i didn't feel like I could handle the pregnancy then I should abort. That he didn't want to see me suffer. At that moment, I realized that no matter how shitty I felt, I would never abort because my husband and I made the child with love. We have been waiting for our miracle and we were blessed. So naturally I started feeling even worse about myself and for 2 days I fought with my husband because in my mind, I felt I had the right to be miserable since I felt horrible physically. On the night of the second day, he had had enough and wanted to leave for a while to his parents house until I figured myself out. At this point I snapped and realized i hit rock bottom. In a matter of seconds I began fearing a life without my family: my husband and child. And within minutes I decided I would try. I would try to smile when hubby came home because I knew he was just as stressed as I was about the fact that i couldn't keep any food down. I would try to refer to our child as a human instead of some virus because my ignorance of pregnancy symptoms is no excuse to treat my child bad; especially when I always wanted to be the best mom I could be. I would try to be happy about the fact that my body was making a miracle because other's aren't as lucky. I would try to be happy as I was before I got off my medication. And guess what... it's been working. I'm happy to discover what foods I am craving and what foods i can no longer stand and lead me to vomit. I am happy to find small solutions for all my aches and pains- we're getting a new mattress and body pillows have been of comfort. I am happy that I get to be held by a great man every morning and night who fills me with encouragement that our baby is strong and healthy and that's why I feel a bit bad because he's building a great house in me. And although I know I could be happier, as happiest as I was before I came off my medication, I wouldn't trade it for the world. At this moment, my husband is becoming even more of a man in my eyes, he is becoming a wonderful father and I'd be dammed if i can't follow in suit and become even more of a woman, a mother in his eyes. When I got married I vowed to always be by his side, and I'm not going to fall behind now. It's been almost 3 weeks since I found out, not a lot of time has passed, but I am trying and I wanted to let you guys know that I'll be alright. And if you're trying too, it's ok to feel miserable for a bit. But it's not ok to not let others into your misery to try and help you feel better. I have a great support in my husband, and am currently seeking a therapist where I received treatment for my depression so hopefully I'll get help there too. And so you know, Mood swings is not the same as depression; one is a symptom of pregnancy while the other is an unhealthy mentality. Don't wait to long to get help if you feel you need it. In a week I went to hell and back and would've never believed it if I heard it from someone else. So here is my story and hope it helps.